updatezzz

So we found Pinina. She ended up being gone for a total of 12 days. She crossed Indian Head Highway and found our neighborhood. Bitch is beast. I'm happy. She's safe and back to the usual.

For example:

SLEEP

In other words, i'm back from VA. Beach. I think you can tell how it went:

SLEEP pt2

SCUBA DIVING w/MAC (lol at my right eye)

And now I'm back at home...

...TAN AS SHIT...

sadtown.

sorry i never finished the house sitting adventures. everything went fine on that front, if your wondering...

anyway. the real reason why i'm here writing is simply to get my emotions off my chest. so here goes:

losing one of my dogs is defiantly on my top 5 worst fears. and yet, here i am confronted with that very fear now. them dying, i used to think could be in that same category, but now that i am pretty much living my nightmare, i can say with every fiber of certainty that it is not the same. if one of them is dead, i know he/she is just that-dead, not out there roaming around lost somewhere and afraid. but she's lost. since this time yesterday around my brother's school. it's kinda like a movie the way my mom explained it. she was scared of the noise from the marching band and hopped in the back of the car and my mom put the window up a little. she got distracted for a minute and when she looked back, the window was halfway down and pinina (my dog) was gone. she searched for two hours, and NO ONE saw ANYTHING. it's like she just disappeared into thin air. my little baby is still no where to be found. we live too far from the school for her to wander her way back. and i simply can't stand the sad sad look balto (my other dog) gives me whenever we walk in the door with no pinina. he sits in front of the door sometimes, just looking out the window. he's just mopey in general. i don't blame him. we're all pretty tense in the house. some of us snapping randomly at each other. we don't mean too, and we're never like this. it's awful. but i can only be optimistic. right??? well off to search now. hope i come bearing good news next time i write.

House Sitting Adventures, Days 3 and 4

Putting them into one post cause I forgot to write one for day 3. And honestly I can't quite remember what happen that day. I went to work for the first time from here. It was easy, not like I expected. I just don't like going somewhere if I've never seen how to get there. And granted, it's not always like that, I just don't like to miss things or be late. But I was on time, getting to work at 9:30am. I've been falling asleep relatively early, making it easier to wake up in the mornings. At work I bought an 8$ lunch I regret. I made dinner too. Chicken. Not my usual with lemon, oil, and oregano marinade, instead I added dijon mustard and Italian dressing, for lack of lemons. It was delicious. Paired with mac and cheese. From the box, not from scratch. I reserve the "from scratch" recipe for special occasions. But it was good nonetheless. I sprinkled bread crumbs and fresh parm cheese on it and stuck that baby in the oven. S.C. didn't help, but frankly, it was nice to be the one to cook for her for once. She got to sit back and watch me cook.
Day 4 started off bad. I woke up and there it was staring me in the face. Mocking me. Decided not to go to work and fell back asleep. Woke up with pains. And then fell back asleep. Woke up again to Dad calling, and then hung up intending to call my mom but the pain was so bad I wanted to vomit. And then I did. Twice. The first was bad, cause there was nothing in my tummy. The second I had taken medicine and two gulps of tea, intending to finish it, but as soon as S.C. poured her coffee I was outta there and ran to the bathroom. It tasted like my tea, which I promptly poured down the sink. Layed in bed for about two hours while S.C. made some calls. I pathetically (I'm not exaggerating, I probably looked pathetic as shit) nibbled on a handful of Cheerio's. Got up, went to Herndon, and met up with a pregnant girl. It wasn't all that worth it, but I felt good knowing I made this girls life that much easier. S agrees with me. Got Wendy's on the way to her bro's casa. Never felt bettah baby. S dropped me off, ate dinner and left. First night alone, was kinda creepy. I was running up and down the stairs and had a light on on every floor. Hah, lamezorz -_-
Sorry about the lack of pics. I may go back and add them later. But as of now, no laptop on my part, so I can't really put pics on this lady's comp.

House Sitting Adventures, Day 2

Woke up to the beautiful light from the sky light right over the bed. Lovely. S.C. made eggs with tomato and onions, got a little home sick due to that. But it was delicious. The cat hissed at me and A.K. He insisted on "kicking it good-bye", I refused. Lounged around for a bit after that, reading cook books and getting ideas for future dinners. Got ready, and went out to buy groceries. First, a quick detour to Herndon for business. Back on the road towards home, and consulted NUVI for directions, but she steered us wrong and we ended up lost several times. Then S.C. couldn't figure out where NUVI was taking her. Finally found the Safeway and got what we needed. With some extra stuff for dinner. Dinner, I'm always happy to say, was delicous.
The menu was as follows:
Beef marinated in veg. broth, apple cider, and garlic (with sprinkles of saphron)
Spinach and white cheddar soup
Grilled onions and vegtables
Corn on the cob
Salad
Baked apples

Damn it was all so delicious. M.A. came over with a guest. Watched True Blood. It was great, duh. Great ending, btw. Finished cleaning up, took out the trash, and retired early to bed.

House Sitting Adventures, Day 1

It went well. It was kind of akward at first, but then I just settled in their den and watched "My Sister's Keeper". It was a good movie. Super sad, and I cried, duh, but only after they left. S.C., A.K., and M.A. came over. Had dinner (pizza) and hung out. Blessed the house. Made a delicious late night dinner of rice with a black bean and tomato sauce with onions and red peppers. And a desert of Oreo JELLO Pudding. It was kinda weird, but still good. All of which we ate to the tune of Sofia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette". Didn't finish the movie, got too late. Did the rounds, locked up the house and went to bed. Best sleep.

Edit: Fotos chicos! :)

coming soon. mas soon que coming.

I just got a new temporary side job. House sitting for a couple my dad's been working for for a long time. Their other house sitter fell through cause her mom didn't let her. She's 25. (Lolololol) Whereas my mother asked me how much they were paying me and when I was leaving. Always supportive of me working. Hah.
So anyway, I'm going to try and make it a regular thing to update zee blog with my everyday happenings and adventures. I'll try super super hard.
I'm pumped. Even though it's not for too long, it'll be an experience. I'll be having the company of my lovely roomie from this past year. So it's sure to be a good time. Also, maybe even some photos? Maybe.
C ju later.

She says she hates his conformity of getting into habits.
Ordering the same thing, going to the same places, wearing the same clothes when they go out.
But I think it's because he grew up in a hectic time. Was the army going to catch him and take him away today? Will it be the guerilla tomorrow?
Habits offer a sense of comfort. You know what's coming up, and you know what it will be like. No surprises. Maybe I'm just wrong. Over analyzing his upbringing.
Whatever it maybe, I find it endearing.

LOLZ for today

Miley Cyrus performing yesterday on Canada's MuchMusic Video Awards.





What is this blasphemy, I ask you!?! She's no chola, chonga, chicana, etc. Crasi gringa.

Let me indulge myself you...

Hey y'all! Here it comes (thatswhatshesaid)! Intenet updatezz!!

So err'body, first on the agenda, lets give the handsome Mr. Depp a round of applause, cause it's his birfday! He's 47 (I know 'o shyt', yeah I thought that too).

Here he is circa Gilbert Grape (ithink?)

Moving on! Last night Logo had its NewNowNext Awards. Sadly I don't have Logo, but I wish I did, cause honestly, who doesn't love good LGBTv??
Anyhow, some mishaps...starting with Aisha Tyler. Who's claim to fame was in 2000's "Dancing in September" as Woman with Weave (hahahajustkidding). She was in The Santa Clause 2 and 3, Balls of Fury, Bedtimes Stories (who else is noticing a trend of bad movies???), Friends, Ghost Whisperer, and CSI, to name a few. Here's Ms. Thang is at the awards:

Girl is looking like a straight up crackie. And if we take a closer look.....

*collectivegasp*
oh NO....she has no eyebrows! Seriously alien behbeh, your beautiful, but WHERE ARE YOUR EYEBROWS?!?!?! Actually....who did your make up in general??? No bueno...no bueno at all. Your skin looks ashy! And just dead in general.

Here's Ms. Tyler looking nice with eyebrows:

Ahhhh beautiful...

Next in line is...Ongina, of Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 1 fame:

Do I need to even say anything??? Now listen, I love me some queenies. But I screamed when I saw this. Not good scream either. Bad scream. I don't know what it is, but something is just off about this. I think it's her face...not that way...well I guess I mean it in that way. She's just makin and ugly face is all. Cause that outfit is gettin it. I could do without the little Abu hat, but whatevs.

Here is the Ongina I prefer, queenie-like, yet very beautiful:

Nice feathers bb.

And lastly, Mystique Summers, also of Ru Paul's Drag Race fame, but from Season 2:

C'monnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...Seriously. Like I said, I can appreciate a good tranny (especially of the Argentine singing variety [seehere]meowmeow indeed...) but c'monnnnnnn! That dress is just...NO! Ugh, I hope those eyebrows of hers were not only stolen from Ms. Tyler, but compensation for that fug dress. I've seen some fierce big girls dressed to the nines, but Mystique is not one of them.

new works

i had a thought the other day. (insert joke here) hahaha. so anyhow, my abuela tomasa, my great-great grandmother died about nine years ago. she was the thread that kept our family together. after she died, we all kinda fell apart, and out of contact. not solely because of her, but it happened.
she was about 98 when she died. almost 99. she was born in 1902, and died in 2001. she was a magnificent woman, that, sadly, i only had the opertunity to meet twice. but those two times, i never felt more accepted in el salvador. she never learned how to read and write, but she was incredibly intelligent. she sold tortillas to put a little extra in her pocket. she would keep marks of the people she sold to, and she would remember who owed her what, and who paid her. the whole town (if i can even call it that) where my father grew up had so much love and respect for her. i can go on and on about how great i think she is, but frankly thats too much to write.
so anyway the important story: we have a 16x20 color portrait of her that has been hanging in my house since she died. its framed nicely and everything. sooo about a year or so ago on a normal day, my mom was in the kitchen and she heard glass break. thinking it was the window (we have a big one in the front of our house) my mom shit her pants she was so scarred. when she looked it was the frame and glass the photo was in shattered and was completely ruined, but her photo was perfectly fine. my mom in shock, grabbed the photo and asked my abuela what was wrong, and if she wanted to be put in another place. my mom said she felt as if she were being guided to the spot where the photo is currently hanging (on the wall directly in front of the entryway). and there she's hung ever since. when my mom told my cousin this story, my cousin says 'that makes sense that she would want to be elsewhere. she was always watching the door of the house in el salvador. she always wanted to know who was coming and going. thats just like her.'
that got me thinking. ever since she died, i've been a firm believer that the dead don't just disappear; that they watch over the ones they love and keep them safe (or try too at least). maybe not always, but when it matters the most, they make their presence known.
another (shorter) example: my cousin (another one) is in the army, and is in the middle of completing, what i believe, is his thrid tour of iraq. he almost died twice, that i know of. once he got really really sick. and another time the tank he was in hit a hidden mine or something. he was unconcious and in the hospital for a while. afterwards, he says he remeber that when the tank was hit, he was concious of it, and he says he saw our abuela and spoke to her. that she told him that she was fine and that he needed to be strong for her, and his family (his mother, my aunt, had just given birth to 5 1/2 month premature twins), that it wasn't yet his time, and the last thing he remembers her saying was that he needed to wake up.
this woman clearly has a mission in life (afterlife?) to see to it that we're as safe as can be. and thats cool with me.
so on to my grand idea! (after much digression) so i want to go to el salvador and take photos of my abuelas living area and the cooking area i remember her always being in. i dont know if i will do this. but i hope i can. i want to. i really do. and i think my parents will love the idea. i want to shoot color, black and white, and some digital. preffffferably with a hasselblad or something. i dont have a problem doing with my 35mm, but damnit the hasselblad is soooo deliciousss. i can call it...momento mori. god damn i'm goooood. hahaha.

Difficult Run, VA

As you can see, I had a nice Memorial Day, sans family, plus friends.

ausi update

so no australia for me next semester. everything went wrong. but im no quiter (not really) and im determined to go. so im just applying next semester. thats alright though, cause i figure i'll be able to put my final in and any other work from the next semester in my portfolio, thus making it even betterrrrr. im sad, obvi, but whatever.

i dont think i necessarily believe in destiny. or fate. but i do sometimes think that some things were meant to be. my cousin has been to chicago and is convinced that its fate for her to live in there. i laughed when she first told me. thats rediculous, how would she know that? "i can feel it," she said.


i always liked australia. the accent. the climate. shit who am i kidding, the men too. but over the summer the stragest things kept happening. i would turn the tv on and, oh look an outback steakhouse commercial. turn to the travel channel (an old favorite) and look samantha brown's in (insert australian city here) and look anthony bourdain's in melbourne or that wierd guy with the weird food. switch to: the discovery channel and its the most random commercial about a whale that migrates to australia or something. what the fuck, i began to think. why...what...is this some strange coincidence? and then i remembered my cousin telling me the same thing happened to her and chicago.


i began to think is it fate...for me to live in australia...? is it possible? and then i decided to go study abroad in melbourne (as per anthony bourndain's recomendations). all the while the strange australian coincidences still occuring. sometimes more than others. i mean damn, just the other day while going to the bathroom in a friends room, i look to my right, and there's a tea tree oil. most randomest shit ever, and there in fine itallic print: 100% Australian.


what the hell right? lol. my mom just thinks im crazy. but i won't be swayed. maybe i am supposed to live my life in australia.


i'll be here soon...maybe...

when i think of home i think of the sun setting. and how the light pours itself into my room through the blinds and curtains and seeps through the walls making my room warm. and the way that the light bounces off of my lone red wall and sets my room aflame with color. my other three peaceful green walls become muddied by the blanket of red that comes over it. and in just a few more minutes its gone, and my room is once again just my room.

blah blah blah oh woe is me

some days (not very often) i get this god awful pain in my chest when i think about how lonely i am. yah yah sure im not alone, i have my family and my friends who love me. but still...its like my heart literally hurts. like somethings missing. as if there was this other half that is just not there and aches for its counterpart.
i look at everyone whos happy with someone and am scornful. bitter. hateful. i dont like this feeling. its foreign. and it makes me feel...i dont know...evil. clearly im not meant to be a villain in life. hahahaha.
like my mom always says "if i dont laugh at myself, i'd cry". momma, you smart cookie you. i laugh at myself and my own stupid jokes, cause if not i'd cry. and if i was being honest the two or three tears that escaped today when i locked myself in the bathroom made me want to ball my eyes out and sob like there was no tomorrow, but frankly i have shit to do.
maybe i'll become a workaholic.
...god that sounds awful.