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I watched "The Fountain" for the second time. But it was kinda like watching it all over again. I think it was because of Tuilo dieing just recently. Of cancer. Like Izzy in the movie. And the way she handled it. Made me wonder if he felt the same way about dieing. Un-afraid. "Death is the road to awe."
I agree. When you are ready to die, willing, un-afraid, I agree. But not now. I'm not ready to die. I'm 19. Perhaps when my life has been lived out, I hope that I am ready to die.
My mom always gets all schmushy when we talk about death. As if avoiding the topic will make if less feasible. I don't mind talking of death.
Mrs. Kimball is ready to die. In her sleep. She told me so. She prays for it every night. Susan hates it when she talks about death like one talks about the weather. She yells at her. "Mom stop please. Don't say that!" Its what I hope for. But after I'm done living. Kids. And my art. Maybe marriage. It's not necessary. I don't think. Love is love. It doesn't matter to me if there is a band on my finger.
I digress.
I hope when my time comes I am willing and ready. Un-afraid.